Truly, I am more flawed than most. I try to be a good man in society, at peace with my fellows, and in harmony with the energy around us.
I want to realize the second half of life. At 57, it might be optimistic to call a “second half”. Health issues need be sorted and managed. Choosing a few, of many, opportunities to volunteer is grounding. The duality of helping to do good or so to feel good I accept.
Volunteering feels redemptive.
The opposite of love is not hate…it is apathy. In the main, that is me to my adult children. I have delusions around relations with them. Somewhere, under shrouds of mistakes, down below and hidden, I believe a few small positive influences are worth a memory.
I am aware. Other divorces have occurred. Some of us pretend this is fair.
Father’s day is a dread. The U.S. Open is an awful alarm clock. Three texts arrive. I am glad for the texts. Nothing from the remaining three. Pitifully, a scrap of contact is precious and cherished. They regard me less, little, and not at all.
Weddings pass with no invites.
Each Christmas, I secure cards and gifts. Eleven years of cards and gifts, for each, accumulate in the attic. Sizes and styles change. The packages stay preserved with hope of being given.
Guided by friends, professionals, and a fellowship, reluctantly the eleven years of gifts are given to families with needs. The cards I keep. My children are not forgotten.
Time passing catalogs self-evident truths. It is debilitating to be disregarded. I do not know how to get things better. Common wisdom whispers to abandon what cannot be changed. Penance does not allows absolve. Unevenly, ending anguish and to be healthy, I acknowledge and creep to move on.
Volunteering keeps the body and the mind busy. The elderly and dispossessed have needs. Mission work and the Food Bank are useful.
Gratefully, a second chance with children is now visible. Fostering, adoption, coaching, teaching, or family are all welcome. Calmer, perhaps wiser, surely kinder, more humble, and sounder prepares for a good start. I have the time to be present. An opportunity to be better is a much appreciated gift . The best gift.